RETURN OF

The 

"I'm-Too-Busy-For-A-Retreat"

MINI RETREAT

How many of these apply to you?

 

[ ] I’m often stressed out.

[ ] I want to see my place in the big picture.

[ ] I’m heartbroken, and I want to heal.

[ ] I feel like I’m missing something.

[ ] I have no clue what to do next with my life.

[ ] I’m going through some major changes right now.

[ ] My life is getting to be more than I can handle.

[ ] I want a vacation, but can’t afford it.

[ ] Trump is still President 
 

Sound familiar? Same, I’ve been there. In fact, everyone I know has lately been overwhelmed, stressed out, or longing for more out of life.

 

As a healer, I’m supposed to tell you that you should run away to the woods. Or the desert. Or the ocean. I’m supposed to instruct you to head out to the wilderness, to touch nature, to escape the busy city or the stifling suburbs and start living close to the earth. I’m supposed to offer you a way to get away from all the synthetic, hyperactive, overstimulation of life as you know it so you can hear the still, small voice of light and love inside you. 

 

But I’ve never really liked doing what I’m *supposed* to do. The more supportive ones called me “creative” and others called me “odd”. The haters tried to punish me for it, assuming I was a troublemaker, rabble-rouser, and just trying to show off. (You too? Oh hi!)

 

Truth is, I love the way I do things. And I love to work with people like me: people who look for the loopholes, hacks, and creative side-streets to getting things done our own unique way. I cater to the people who do everything with an attitude that challenges the ways modern society has twisted or stagnated. There’s not much that gets by us folks. Call it a blessing or a curse, we question, challenge, and revamp everything that comes across our plate.

 

I see no reason to squeeze myself into restrictive boxes, and I see no reason to shove you in one either. Same goes for healing and personal development work: I offer intuitive assistance in discovering the core issues, obstacles, tools, and useful context that can help you on your way towards feeling your own version of flow. You already know how to access it, I just want to help nudge you a bit closer to achieving it.

 

So even though I’m supposed to tell you some load of crap about juice fasts or the latest miracle supplement or whatever, I’m not going to gloss over this. It’s too important right now. I see people giving their souls over to misery and loneliness, hopelessness, despair, numbness to the barrage of horrors we're subject to every day. I’m not going to stand by and watch. I’m offering exactly what I can offer: a retreat that will fit into the busy schedule of the people who run the world.

 

Maybe the universe would fall apart if you left for a month at an ashram, but it won’t if you fall off the map for a few hours. 

 

While I’d love to roll this out as a perpetual service, I only have a few opportunities to get this service in before I start my next show (did you know I'm an actor? You probably did but here's a shameless plug anyway).

 

Because of my time limitations, I’m offering retreats to 10 individuals, first-come, first-serve.

 

So, what do I get in a Mini Retreat?

 

  • Four intuitively-structured hours with a professional astrologer, yoga instructor, tarot reader, reiki practitioner, and crystal consultant (that’s me!)

  • An empathic, comprehensive reading of your astrological birth chart, centering your identities, goals, and challenges, and digging deep to transform and enrich your perception of yourself.

  • Deep, informative, tarot and Lenormand card readings to clarify and specify the steps and tools needed to pursue your goals. 

  • Relaxing reiki affirmation bath, synthesizing self-knowledge and self-love in the body and the energy that surrounds and infuses it. 

  • Physical embodiment of your soul-body's healing through yoga poses, philosophy and breath-work, all catered to your body, your circumstances, your needs. 

  • Flowing light-filled energy work with a gentle reiki touch (or non-touch, if you prefer. We believe in affirmative enthusiastic consent 'round these parts.) 

  • A handmade crystal bracelet made of stones to match intentions set during the retreat for you to wear and extend your retreat's benefit, reminding you of your deepening commitment to meeting your needs and being of the utmost service to the vision of the world you’re creating.

  • Tea and treats to sip and snack on. 

 

How on earth could this be better than a week on the beach, you might ask? How can I fit a full retreat into one four-hour session, you might say? As someone who has been on beachy, secluded, far-off retreats, I can tell you that they’re very effective, yes. But they require a huge time commitment because of one key factor: there are OTHER PEOPLE on the retreat. You aren’t getting private attention at upstate meditation workshops. You’re not getting individual sessions on the beach (not without paying top dollar, anyway). You’re basically on your own to show up, and it can take some getting used to. Often it’s not til the retreat is half over that you can start to sense a release. And the biggest downside to those beach/forest/desert retreats is that there isn't usually any way to synthesize the information in order to bring it back to "real life".

 

With a Mini Retreat, you're in the middle of your "real life", and the retreat is designed to make it easier for you to find that centering balance, even in the midst of the realness. You get the opportunity to delve right in without having to worry about anyone else stealing the instructors’ attention. It’s just us, all my attention and listening is devoted 100% to you and your needs. All the yoga poses we do will be determined by your body’s needs. All our meditation work will be led by where you are in your state of mind at that moment. All the tarot questions will be catered to you, and of course, your birth chart will be yours, with a full inquiry into how it can work seamlessly into your life as a personalized tool. Your bracelet's stones will be chosen precisely and specifically with your visions in mind.

 

 

How much does it cost?

 

In order to serve the community I love the most, I've made this service sliding scale, between $200 and $500. If having to choose your own price gives you anxiety, fear not! Whatever you decide to give within the range is appropriate and *I WILL NOT JUDGE YOU*. I will not give you any rigid guidelines of what you should use to determine your scale-- I want you to come to the retreat without shame. If you need some help deciding what scale to pick, I am happy to offer resources that others have found useful.  


I'm only offering this to the first 10 people to sign up! Get in touch for more information: